“Hi Holly, what should I do about a male neighbor that always goes out on his 2nd floor deck while I’m sunbathing next to my pool? I look several times a day, he’s never on that deck. The minute I go out there in my swimsuit, he is sitting up there, eyes all over me. I used to be able to go topless when it was just his grandmother that lived there. Now that he owns the house, no privacy.”
Oh girl… the ol’ “accidental neighbor with impeccable timing.” Isn’t it funny how the sun always seems to call to him the same time it calls to your bikini? He’s not fooling anyone. This man’s probably sitting inside, one eye on the weather app and one on his window, just waiting for the pool show to start.
Now before we call him a total creep, let’s give a tiny bit of grace—some men truly have no clue how obvious they are. My old neighbor in Vero used to “check his gutters” every time I mowed the lawn in shorts. He once waved down at me with a leaf blower like that was casual. I still can’t look at landscaping equipment without rolling my eyes.
So here’s the deal: you deserve to sunbathe in peace without feeling like you’re starring in his afternoon matinee. You’ve got two solid options here—each depends on how sassy you’re feeling that day.
Option one: reclaim your space. Get a tall privacy screen or some lush areca palms along that fence line. Nothing kills a voyeur’s buzz like a row of tropical leaves blocking the view. It’s the Florida way—solve all your problems with plants.
Option two: make it uncomfortable for him. Next time he pulls up a chair for the show, look right back, wave, and shout something cheerful like, “You need sunscreen up there?” or “Front row tickets are ten bucks!” Men like that hate being caught in their own act. A dose of embarrassment can do wonders.
If it gets worse—like lingering stares, comments, or binoculars (yikes)—then it’s time to stop being polite. Take photos for documentation, and talk to him or even the HOA. Nobody’s entitled to your personal sunshine time.
But honestly? There’s power in reminding yourself that you’re not the problem. You’re not doing anything wrong by existing comfortably in your own yard. If he can’t control his eyeballs, that’s on him. Maybe it’s time he invests in blackout curtains—for your sake and his dignity.
And who knows, maybe one day he’ll find a new hobby that doesn’t involve watching his neighbors tan. Until then, plant some palms, pour a margarita, and let him sweat under that Florida sun while you tan in peace.